What I Wanted
by Okamidemon
Summary: (Another sad depressing fanfiction by yours truly...) What exactly do I want? Even though I want it so badly to be hidden, there is still something. I can't seem to know... I wonder... if I can ever find out...


A/N: Here comes another depressing as heck fanfiction about Kiddlaw...

 **Warning: Character death?** What else? **Depression idk...**

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I laughed along with all they said. I smiled when they looked at me. I really enjoyed everything. I would get excited when we meet. I would want to talk even more. I would tell them my sarcastic jokes. They would laugh and smile at me…

I laughed at the other's complaints about his boss at work. He huffed and scratched the back of his head, fluffing up his red hair as he did so. His red lips frowned as he kept complaining. I laughed at his struggle. One would think another would be angered by this, but he never got angry. He would playfully growl at me, showing his bright teeth. His frown would turn into a smile soon enough, and then both of us would start laughing and smiling together once more.

All of this is good. All of this is all I wanted. I now stood in a circle of friends. Dear friends that would laugh along with us. Smile with us… He stood across from me, grinning and laughing as the other friends told their stories. He would complain to them as well and also playfully growl at them when they touched his hair. Then like with me, his frown would eventually turn into a smile. Then like when with me… He and all the friends would begin laughing and smiling together.

I too… would smile. However, it was different. I hid something I shouldn't even have. A stupid thought. I thought that consisted of anger, jealousy, and sorrow. I would smile and clench my fist inside my jacket pocket, which hid my want to grip my chest where my heart beat slow. Each beat pounded on my lungs, my chest, my mind. It hurt a lot and I wanted it to stop. Unfortunately, it wouldn't stop.

I smiled and made an obviously sarcastic joke and turned away. I walked off in the direction of my home. A home that I did not consider a home. It was a cold home that sent shivers across my skin. I puffed up my scarf as I walked back unsteadily. I glanced back at the group of friends and him. He continued laughing and smiling like always.

My heartbeat slowed the longer I looked at his smiling face. Of course, no one would notice. My well-hidden pain that dug through my already breaking heart. I looked up at the street lights and waited with the other people wanting to cross.

Even though I am truthfully satisfied with being around him and friends, what is causing this pain? The people around me began moving. My eyes started losing focus, but I could still see his face. He looked at me and stared. I simply smiled, like always, covering my pain. I took a shaken step onto the streets, still glancing at the other to see if maybe… just maybe he would do something. I didn't know what I wanted him to do.

I kept walking and glanced after a few dizzying steps. I clenched my chest tightly now that he couldn't see me. Like any other day, this would happen. Everytime I see him, this would happen. It got to a point where I began becoming used to the pain. That last glance, something was different. He wasn't there…

My steps slowed as I looked at the empty spot where he had been. He left… My eyes widened and my hands shook. I felt a new pain. Why would such a pain exist within me if I try so desperately to hide it? They pain of him thinking I'm alright hurt even more. I wanted him to do something… I wonder what that was. I could now hear my heart beating. Oh… and something else. A name was being called. A familiar name that I had heard several times.

"TRAFALGAR!"

I turned to the oh so familiar voice, "Eustass-ya?" I stared at his face. He no longer smiled or laughed. He had his eyes wide open and his large hand held out. He was reaching for me and calling my name. I wonder… I looked to the side and knew why.

I smiled. He noticed… He noticed something about me was wrong so he came to help me. I laughed to myself as I looked at the large lights that beamed from the black vehicle. It didn't stop… nor did my heart that beat fast… not because of fear, but because of excitement. Excitement that I had found out what I wanted.

What a shame it was… That once I found out… That once he found out… My time was already up. I felt water slide down my face, going over my smiling lips. What I had always wanted… Is for someone to just notice. To just reach out a hand...

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A/N: Hope you liked this badly written sad fic that is short and lame.

I'm ok now so...


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